dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
