I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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