Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
