Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
