mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
