sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
