I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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