also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
