I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think I won the penis lottery.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
