Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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