If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
