VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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