I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
