none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
