You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
