This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
