do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
