Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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