I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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