There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just puked most of my soul out..
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