Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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