Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
