I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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