And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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