So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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