I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
