we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
