Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
