i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
