I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
