Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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