"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
