I just cut my nipple shaving
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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