So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
