he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
