he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
