i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
