This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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