I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
