Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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