Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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