Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
