my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
