I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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