My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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