dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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