There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
