I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
