If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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