why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
