i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
