I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
