She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
