can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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