the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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