and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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