you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
