When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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