Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
What a dumb baby whore.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
