Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
