Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
