Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
