Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
