p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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