Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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