I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
