Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
