Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize