I'm going to jail i love you
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
