I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
