I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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