I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I lost the right to judge tonight
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