i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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