my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
