watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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