You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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