I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
