i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
