She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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