just come out here and I will go home with you...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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