I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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