Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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